Behaviour charts vs jars

I can't believe that it's been 21 weeks since Zachary entered the world!

It's been crazy, fun, at times a little hard to juggle everything but I wouldn't change it for the world.

You may have read my last post  about our challenging behaviour from the older two, in particular Alex.

We first tried a type of tick chart, with really quite basic things on such as routine tasks etc, with Alex I added 'go into school well and Sam 'eat my vegetables'. Alongside that we had Pom Pom jars which they could put a Pom Pom in if they'd had a good day or did something nice, friendly, helpful without being asked. With these things in place I am pleased to say that things have improved. The last few weeks of term were still tricky getting Alex happy about school but the difference was we didn't have to physically drag him trough the classroom door!

I will admit I was dreading the start of the summer holidays.

At the end of term, I awaited nervously as I collected Alex from the classroom as I just didn't know which Alex I would be picking up, the happy, chatty chappy or the angry, aggressive and short tempered one.

I was worried we'd have a lot of the latter over the summer holidays, especially more worried about the weeks my parents were sunning themselves in Greek islands.

It turns out James had a week off before we went camping for a week, this broke up the holiday loads, and gave me a huge extra hand with the boys over the time where I had no one else to help me!

Of course over the holidays, routine and bedtimes seem to have gone out the window, so we stopped the behaviour charts we had started for the boys, but have kept the jars that they each fill with pom poms when they have done some good.

These jars have helped massively, obviously there are still times we want to pull our hair out with the kids not listening, Alex still has the odd anger blow out, but on the whole the outbursts are much shorter (thankfully).

The jars are a simple concept, Alex and Sam each have their own jar. When they do something good, especially something without being asked, they can pop a pom, pom (or in our boy's case a cotton ball as they figured they were bigger!) in their jar. For example, Sam got one the other day as he actually got dressed and brushed his teeth without being asked, this is a HUGE deal for us at the moment as he NEVER does this.

Once the jar is full they can get a small treat, in our case that is often choosing a hot wheel car, despite having over 200 in the house already!

I am hoping with the start of school and routine we won't have to go back to the tick charts we'd had, that sort of thing isn't really me, I am too forgetful but if the behaviour slips I will have to start it up again, if they get so many ticks a day they get a pom pom. Ideally I'd love to just have the pom pom jars and keep it simple.

I'd originally written this before school went back when we were busy finishing school projects, but here we are a month in already and the holidays seem like a distant memory!

Baby haze. The early days

Every one says the early days of a new born are hard but I don't think anyone can actually prepare you for it!

The final weeks of pregnancy take their toll on your body both physically and mentally topped with labour (no matter how long or not it is) so when that baby is placed in your arms you need the adrenaline that your body runs on!

This time I think I was running on adrenaline for some time as I couldn't sleep in the hospital despite being up over 24hours.

The first couple of nights I barely slept, not sure if it was some baby insomnia where I was just too worried about baby to sleep!

Zachary was a good baby in that he would sleep laying flat which our other 2 wouldn't do, but the first few nights were hard I had barely any sleep, one night I didn't manage any until 3.30am!

The first few days seemed like we were in de ja vu as we ended up at the hospital on the day 3 (for me with a big clot/membrane), the following day we went to the children's ward for Zachary to have a jaundice check (thankfully fine). I was just in a daze and not with it at all. The bleeding seemed heavy this time around, after pains strong although not as bad as after Sam and I was just an emotional wreck.

Typically when the midwife mentioned heading to the hospital for the jaundice check I burst into tears, partly from tiredness but mostly from baby blues, that was the day my milk came in and thankfully the jaundice worked it's way out after that.

I thought I was on a roll then, thinking that breastfeeding was going well but then they got so sore. So sore I bought an electric pump and then gave him the odd bottle of expressed milk to give me a break and time to heal. I thought that was working but then another spanner in the works.

On about day 9 he screamed from lunch time, he acting like he wanted feeding but then when I tried either breast or expressed bottle he would fuss and arch. He had a small feed at 12am and woke at 7am I was so panicked. He seemed lethargic, hadn't a dirty nappy in the night and I was really scared something was wrong. So much so James went to the docs and managed to chat to my midwife who sent someone earlier than she was meant to be coming over that day.

The midwife was happy nothing serious was wrong, typically (although thankfully) he wet his nappy as soon as she turned up. No temp although warm to touch, fontanelle not sicken, we eventually put it down to him possibly having a sore tummy or something!

I was glad I got to see the midwife I had throughout my pregnancy a couple of days later (I had a couple of extra days on the books and not the typical 10)  and she weighed Zachary who had put on over his birth weight at 8lb 3oz.

I always had in my head that his pregnancy was the easiest out of them and that he would give me a run for my money in the early days!

Co-sleeping and why I'll still continue

Many people have probably seen some articles about co-sleeping cropping up again this week which has raised much debate between some parents and 'officials'.

I must admit when I was pregnant with Alex there was nothing more that put me off than sharing a bed with my child, I liked my own personal space, I liked my sleep, I liked my sleep to be interrupted  But then Alex came along and all that went out the window and my thought completely flipped turned over.

In the first weeks of Alex's life we really struggled getting him to sleep, James was fantastic with him and did most of the co-sleeping in the first 2 weeks as I really struggled coping with lack of sleep and energy and adjusting to all the new changes with all the hormones that come with having a new born. I'm ashamed that a lot of this co-sleeping however actually happened on the sofa, which is one of the most dangerous things to do, James did stay awake for a lot of the night but did drop off, I hated it, but it was the only way that Alex slept, and I would never let the same thing happen again. I think I know a lot more of the dangers and risks involved with that type of co-sleeping.

Once James went back to work though I was properly on night time feeds, although I did breastfeed Alex I also bottle fed him too as struggled with the latch (and in hindsight probably gave in too quickly to give it a proper go), I used to sit up in bed and feed Alex either way, breastfeeding especially made me really tired and I did fall asleep sat up whilst feeding him a few times, the second I would wake would leave me feeling guilty, panicky, and worried-what if I'd had smothered him!?

Once he got bigger I found feeding him lying down in bed much better, we'd both sleep much quicker and both be more comfortable. I would move my pillows over to one side  he'd stay cupped in my arms on top of the duvet (if I had that on me), and I'd keep him well over on my side (as James is more of a heavy sleeper, and of rugby styled build)! I'd often put him in his cot, sometimes straight after he'd been fed, sometimes after waking up with him next to me after a few hours. He moved into into his own room at 4 1/2 months, but often had part of the night with us, especially though the teething stages and if he was ever under the weather. Now he's 3 and I can't honestly remember the last time he snuck in, but think it was about this sort of time last year!

Then in December Sam arrived and we had another non-sleeper unless being cuddled! This time though I embraced it a bit more though, although I was struggling with breastfeeding I stuck at it a bit more. This meant I was in full control of the night times as James couldn't (obviously) help out. Sam slept on his tummy on me, or cupped in my arms as I slept on my side. I'm not going to lie, I found it very scary, I read articles, I did more research on how to safely co-sleep, it's quite sad to see how much there is against it when it's a practise that has been used for many years.  The articles didn't fill me with much confidence but I continued with co-sleeping, it was the only way I ever got any sleep as, as soon as I put him on his back in the crib he's wake and scream for as long as it took you to pick him up (despite trying to leave him). he's much better at sleeping in his cot now, it took a long time, in fact it's only the last month he's starting sleeping properly in the day on his own. He often still wakes in the night and now I naturally lie on my side and feed him, it feels more natural to do this.

So despite the report I will continue to partly co-sleep, if I didn't there'd probably be more chance of me falling asleep in a chair with the baby and potentially endangering them then...co-sleeping still scares me, I never sleep properly, but then maybe that is me being physically aware of him being there and making sure I am not smothering him/rolled on him/he's too hot etc.

I wish there was more guidance on how to safely co-sleep rather than all the scary stories and reports, especially as lots of these studies and reports aren't clear in the fact that co-sleeping in these reports also includes falling asleep on chairs/sofas which have the highest percentage of harming the child.

If only men could feel the pain of labour...

So a lot of men say, labour can't be that bad...

They think we over exaggerate...

They think they have better pain thresholds than us...

They think they would cope a lot better if they had to go through labour...

Well wouldn't you just love your man to feel just a little part of what us women go through in labour...

...I think they should make this part of parenting classes don't you? Tee hee.

That way maybe your other half might be less partial to go out and get that sandwich and drink, or fall asleep on the beanbag next to the bed whilst you are in late stages of labour...yes I'm looking at you James!

Proud

September 2012 Alex started preschool, it was the first time he's been looked after by anyone that wasn't family.

For that first term he only went on Tuesday mornings, we had to pay as they only get it funded the term after their 3rd Birthday and I wanted to ease him in gently before the arrival of Sam in December. It seems a lifetime ago already and thinking back he seemed so young, he was only 3 in November so was one of the youngest there, had not long been potty trained, and was much more immature in his behaviour (quite obviously).

Since Christmas he now goes all day Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon, taking a packed lunch with him. Instead of turning up apprehensive and shy he now runs in, brings things in for show and tell and genuinely looks forward to it.

It's amazing the difference that 7 months have made, when he first joined I was worried about his behaviour, he seemed quite an angry boy when with his friends he's known since birth as I was worried this was happen at preschool, thankfully we only had one small incident in that time. Looking back I think his behaviour was linked with my pregnancy, I was so ill, dizzy and tired most of the time I found it hard to be the Mother I so desperately wanted to be (his behaviour is so much better since I had Sam).

His report from his first term weren't bad, but it did say things like 'he co-operates with the golden rules most of the time' and 'Alex can concentrate for short periods of time on an activity of his choosing' which did make me giggle as my Mum has worked in a nursery for years so I know they how they word things ;)

I had a review with his key worker a couple of weeks ago and had a quick flick through his folder which was lovely to see :) she was really pleased with his progress as says he is hitting all the right targets.

It sounds like he has made lots of friends and is quite the sociable character (takes after his Daddy)! His social and writing skills have come on in leaps and bounds, he can pretty much write his name now, and can be seen writing 'A for Alex' whenever doing drawing.

He has made two close friends but both go to school in September whereas Alex has a whole other year, so I hope he isn't too disappointed come this September!

His target this term is continue to help him hold pencils correctly and try and do mark making activities, instead of helping him sit still and concentrate for short periods of time like it was last term.

I am so proud of him, and how much he has grown and changed in just over half a year, he really is becoming such a wonderful little boy.

Deja Vu

When Sam was born he looked the spitting image of Alex, but after a short while he started changing and looking very different to Alex. 

Now though it's hard to tell the difference between the two in baby photos. 

I have recently got out Alex's play ring and door bouncer and I have had a few deja vu moments, where I flash back to 3 years ago. 

There's an obvious weight difference between the two of them here though, but they are like two peas in a pod, love them <3

It's crazy how fast these few years have gone!

Struggling & juggling

I don't know why but I appear to be struggling recently, it's like I am juggling with too many balls and they are all falling down around me (who am I kidding I can't even juggle with 2 balls)!

Sam is being quite difficult at the moment, not sure if its a spurt, or teething or combination of the two, but he can be so grumpy and won't happily play. He won't sleep in his crib during the day, and only has long sleeps when in the pushchair/car. I think that it is probably due to me walking about a lot to playgroups/preschool/friends most days so it is what he is most used to. He has also been waking most nights again, some nights I have been getting by on just 4 hours sleep.

Having 4 hours sleep is really taking it's toll on me, sleep deprivation really puts strain on the body! I have been getting awfully painful headaches the last week or so, which is something I very rarely suffer with. I am snappy and tearful because of it, and I don't like to be like that, especially around the children.

I have been taking it out on James too, when Sam wakes in the night and he's fast asleep next to me it's hard not to feel slightly bitter and jealous, but I can't ask him to help out, he works two jobs and is always shattered himself.

Because Sam has been quite demanding I haven't been able to give Alex the attention he needs and deserves, we haven't played much, we have done no messy play or baking and I want to, but I just don't have the energy or time.

Any free time I do have is to do the washing up/cooking/loading washing machine and sorting out washing, usually with one or two screaming/upset boys in the background which is stressful in itself.

I am hoping this is just a stage and we get back to being a better healthier routine again, Sam's routine has well and truly gone out the window which has thrown everything else up in the air too-the state our house is in is awful and embarrassing, housework needs doing everywhere!

How do you better manage your time between children/housework/cooking meals/having fun? I'd love to know any tricks that help you juggle everything and get everything running a bit smoother!

Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'

I hope you now have this blues brother's song in your head now like I do!

I was a very proud Mummy on Monday as Sam FINALLY rolled over. For weeks he has been oh so close, last week I think I could have tipped him with slightest touch but was determined not to and let him figure it out for himself.

Not doing things by halves he decided that he would first learn rolling from back to front, and then immediately roll front to back straight after.

He still has some perfecting to do, sometimes he desperately tries and tries and can't quite get there but gets so frustrated with himself. It's quite cute because he obviously knows he can do it-think I might have another stubborn little boy on my hands!

He looks so pleased with himself once he's achieved his task, he seems quite keen to always get the wet wipe packet-who needs toys eh? Since when did my newborn baby get so strong and big all of a sudden!? *sobs*

I still have to get used to having a more mobile baby, the first night I was quite surprised to find him the opposite way around, and in a different place to where I had left him a few minutes before-I'd forgotten quite how far they can get even when not crawling! Time to stop leaving bits and bobs about the house on the floor-going to be hard getting into that mindset again.

A guilty trip to A & E

Today was an ordinary day, walks to and from preschool, a trip to the park afterwards with one of Alex's friends and then a quick wait for Daddy to pick us up from my parent's house. As it was nice Alex was desperate to get out into the garden and on his bike they bought him for Christmas, he's barely been able to use it as the weather has been so poor.

Then in a matter of minutes in turned into quite a panicked few hours...

I was busy hanging a few bits of washing on the line, and all of a sudden I heard Alex cry, I knew he'd hurt himself and wasn't just whining,  it was the sort of cry that a Mother knows her child is in extreme pain that rips right through you and leaves you with that gut wrenching feeling. He'd fallen off his bike, and hit the back of his head on a plant pot. The pot had broken, but at first I thought that was the bike that had broken it, until I looked at Alex's head. The bright red blood staining his golden blonde hair in an instant, I will admit I panicked, but then something, I guess instinct and adrenaline kicked in, I ran for the kitchen roll and applied pressure whilst ringing James. At this point I thought he was 40mins away in Newbury, but thankfully he was only 10 minutes away and rushed over in no time! For those that don't know I don't drive, so before I'd rang him I was really panicking about what to do for the best, Sam was screaming away in his car seat, Alex was crying in shock, pain, and also because he was frightened-mainly because he thought he might be going in an ambulance, and I was home alone with them at my parent's also noticing blood splats on their floor!

By the time James had come to get us the bleeding had calmed down and almost stopped, although my hand was quite horribly blood stained and Alex's top was covered around the neck. Luckily we only live less than 10 minutes from the hospital, and gratefully we didn't have to wait too long in A & E. The hole/crack he's made in his head was about the size of a 10p, and they managed to glue it back together, we just have to keep an eye that it holds ok otherwise he will need stitches.

He was so brave though, in the car I could see he was scared and frightened and holding back the tears, but when he came out of the room with his certificate of bravery he shouted out to the waiting room proudly, "look Mummy I'm done" smiling about getting a certificate and and a sticker, it's funny the way children work. In the car on the way back he kept saying sorry and sorry for breaking Nannie's pot, also telling me it wasn't my fault!

It didn't put him off his appetite so that's a good sign, he had McD's as a treat for being so brave, he crashed down a bit tonight, I think it started to hurt him a bit more so he stayed up a bit later and snuggled up on the sofa. I've not long put him to bed, it's the first time he has wanted me to stay by him in ages, and the first time since he was a baby that he's fallen asleep to me singing lullabies and stroking his forehead, just before he fell asleep he wrapped his arm around my neck and told me he loved me...bless him, made my heart melt.

I feel so guilty though, if he'd been wearing a helmet this would never have happened :( his helmet is kept at our house, and because he only goes around my parent's small secluded garden we have always thought he'd be ok, especially as he barely moves on it as he can't pedal properly. Just shows you should wear a helmet even when not on/by roads or cycling about properly.

Really does make you realise how easy accidents happen and how easily they can be prevented, also how precious children are. I'm going to be feeling very guilty for a while!

Catchment areas and school places

So we live a new development- you know the ones? Not enough parking, concrete jungle, garden's overlooked by many houses and flats...oh and lots of family sized homes. So you would have thought the developers/local council would have thought about the future in terms of school places really wouldn't you? Think again, all the schools in the local area are oversubscribed, there are big debates or where to try and squeeze in another primary school, but no where is really suitable, and a lot of the schools have mobile prefabs in the playgrounds to accommodate the overflow of children. Typically the year that Alex starts school is the year that they are panicking about shortage of spaces!

Today we popped along to our local school which is a short walk away-great seeing as I don't drive! It was lovely and my heart was set on it as soon as I walked through the door, they had beautiful woodwork in the entrance hall (there is Oak in the school name), it's bright and colourful and every surface in covered in a vast amount of artwork created by the pupils, some of which is helped by local artists. The playgrounds put some local parks to shame with trim trails, climbing frames, and a massive wooden ship for the reception and year one groups, the nursery had it's separate little park and weird looking jumping areas.

I knew that nursery places would be sought after but was shocked when the receptionist that showed us around said that they already had 90 application forms and were expecting about 120, considering they can only take 52 but heart sank a little. We are only 0.4 miles from the school, but children with older siblings in the school quite rightly take priority, and there area is so dense with children I just have to hope that we are one of the 52!

Alex is already at preschool, but it's a 20 minute walk away and he will have already been there a full year come September which will mean he has another full year there an as lovely as it is I think he would benefit being in a school environment rather than a church hall. The equipment, areas etc are far more exciting at the school, whereas where he is, as lovely as it is can't be as good as the school facility.

Are school and nursery places as hard to come by in your area?
I'm off to write his application form asap!

Bedtime battles

Alex generally has always been OK at going to bed, a few teething problems when he first made the move from cot to toddler bed and the odd night here and there where it hasn't gone 'to plan', but you expect that, but all of a sudden things have changed...

Since we got back off our holiday in August we have had problems and they seem to be getting worse rather than better. On holiday he didn't sleep well, he never does in other places, mainly because he never really stays over anywhere with all our family living close by-this meant him sleeping in with us a little bit to settle him or when he woke in the night scared. We paid for this when we got back as we had many nights of him sneaking into our bed and me and James being so tired we fell back to sleep and then before we knew it was dawn and too risky to move him! Also having late nights on holiday meant about 2 weeks of getting him back into a routine to a normal bedtime! It was then OK for a week or so apart from the odd night where he tried to get in and I sent him packing!

The last few weeks however, have been awful, we have been having 45min-hour long battles with him at getting him to bed. As soon as Pj's are mentioned he starts acting up, runs away, falls to floor and goes all heavy like toddlers like to do when they don't get their own way! Once we have him washed and dressed we head off to his room for 2 stories unless it's late/a long book, only some days he refuses a book, so we say goodnight give him a kiss and cuddle etc and head out.

Let the battle commence!

He then kicks off, shouting about wanting a story (we've often given him many chances beforehand), we try not to give in.

He wants his drink-we give him one. He then comes out of room to put it in the lounge (which is next to his room) and then shouts for his drink again x10.

He wants his door open/shut, whichever you do it's always the opposite.

He wants nightlight on/off-again always the opposite to what you do.

He shouts for kisses and cuddles.


The nights where James is out a work I find the hardest, especially being 6 1/2 months pregnant and Alex being heavy and very strong I find it very difficult to lift him. The last week it has pretty much been every night, I have not seen any link the last few weeks of it happening when James is out at work, after bath/non bath night, after busy/quiet days. The only thing I can think of is that it seems to have got worse since the light has got darker earlier.

I am at my wits end though as have tried different techniques/no technique what so ever on nights I really don't have the energy. So any tips would be gratefully received if you have any.

I was quite glad when James saw Alex on one of his really bad nights, as I don't think he had quite realised how far Alex would go to try and get out of going to bed!

I have never had the most patience, and seem to have even less of it whilst pregnant, and I am not proud but have shouted at Alex very close to his face the last couple of nights, and have felt so guilty about it afterwards. Tonight I got really upset about it, and when I came out of the bathroom I heard a little voice saying "I'm sorry mummy" I went in and gave him a big cuddle, we had both cried and both felt bad, we had a cuddle and a kiss, and he went straight to sleep. He went straight down after doing this the other day too, but obviously I don't want to make a habit out of shouting at him like that-I really don't like myself after.

  Has any one else had bedroom battles with their toddler after much success previously? I really hope this stops long before baby comes along!

Potty training:take 3...dare I say a success?!

Well I have tried potty training Alex a couple of times over the last few months, will not much success. The last attempt he had 1 1/2 good days and then refused the toilet and potty and demanded nappies, I think he his stubborn like his Mum! I was also still suffering a bit of the morning sickness at that point too so really I don't think I was in it for the long haul and I admit I did get rather stressed with him when I shouldn't have.

Here's what I have done differently this time around:
-Pants rather than training pants
-Not as much bribery
-More relaxed
-Not asking him as much whether he needs to go

With the help of my Mum on Friday afternoon and my parents garden I decided it was time to train Alex again, as I told him he didn't need nappies any more he started declaring he wanted to go home, I wasn't having any of it though, I let him have a tantrum, let him run naked for ages as he refused pants or shorts back on. After about 15 minutes he chose a pair of pants from the pile without me telling him too, and he used the potty or toilet there, and at James parent's house later without an accident until about 8pm (we were making the most of the sun and nice eve)! Saturday was a day without any accidents, despite going to the shops and to James' parent's house again. Sunday one small accident just because he didn't get to the toilet in time, and today no accidents again...I don't want to jinx it though as it is only day 4!

Pants definitely seem to be better than training ones-I think it is quite hard for them to differentiate between that and a nappy. Getting them to chose pants also helps them too.

I haven't 'bribed' him as much as last time, he has had stickers and some sweets-but I have found that he expects more than one sweet or sticker after each attempt on the loo, and then also has teasing moments sat on the potty just to try and get a sweet, so we have just stuck to the odd treat here and there.

I have been more relaxed and less stressy with him this time around, I think part of that is because he is in pants and genuinely doesn't want to wet them rather than not caring when wearing training pants. Because of that he is wanting to use the potty/toilet so it is much less of a battle to get him to sit on them. I also haven't been asking him if he needs to go as much because that stressed him a lot more last time, and still does now. He gets all moody if I get asking and shouts at me! He has been so good at coming up and telling me when he needs to go the last few days which I am so impressed with.

So here's hoping that we stay on the road to success this time around! And hope my tips/experience help some of you parents considering or struggling with the potty training stage!

Potty training-a stressful nightmare

Alex has been quite aware of needing the toilet for a little while now, he was 2 1/2 in May and I'd say he knew before then sometimes, however he was petrified of using the toilet or potty.

A few weeks ago I made a quick/lazy attempt to try and train him as I thought he was ready for it, but after loads of temper tantrums about using the potty/toilet and me still feeling a bit yucky from the early stages of pregnancy we gave up by lunch time...I was too fed up of cleaning up wet patches and he was shocked when he found himself doing a wee, so I thought that when he'd been wearing a nappy he was actually telling me after doing a wee rather than when he needed to go. So I decided to hold off.

On Sunday my parents had Alex for us as me and James were working, when I came back he showed me a new toy Nanny had bought him that day, and with a bit of encouragement from my Mum told me he was wearing pants (pull ups) and had been doing wees all afternoon and had stayed dry. I was pleasantly surprised, and obviously tried to carry on with this success.

Yesterday we had playgroup in the morning, the pull ups went on, numerous trips to the toilet before we left with no success, (although him sitting there was enough of a success to me) we ended up being very late, but after his snack and drink a trip to the playgroup loos was a success. He fell asleep on the way back home and the afternoon wasn't as great, but not too bad either.

Today we had a big tantrum when I got him dressed, with him proclaiming he wasn't a boy (when I had told him what a good big boy he had been) and that he wanted to be in nappies. I managed to force the pull ups on him, and up until lunch it was hard work but he did use both toilet and potty well. This afternoon was a big FAIL he refused to sit on them again, when I asked him if he needed to go he was just ignore me or shout no at my face. It just seemed like a big step backwards.

Does anyone have any tips? I am going to carry on but it just seems to be morning success at the minute, then he gets tired and grouchy (and so do I as have been battling the tiredness loads the last couple of weeks) and it all goes downhill! I really want him trained before our holiday in August, as he starts pre school in September.

Do I have a toddler bully?

Alex seems to be going through a bit of a behavioural problem at the moment. One minute he can be lovely and the next he switches in an instant and really lashes out with anger and frustration. I know that all toddlers have their days/weeks/phases but it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

The last few meet ups with his NCT  friends or at playgroup he has left kids in tears from being a right brute, and it's getting really embarrassing as I always feel it reflects on our parenting. It quite often revolves around toys, if he has played with something once he feels it is his, whether it's our our house, friends houses, or playgroups- if someone then starts playing with this toy he charges over and tries to get it back either by forcefully snatching, pushing or hitting. He is so strong for a 2 1/2 old and is quite big for his age, so when he does get into this state he is really hard to control, I am finding it especially hard to lift him when he is like this since being pregnant too.

Obviously being big and strong he always has the advantage in these 'fights' so he never really gets a taste of his own medicine so to speak-not that this makes much difference either.

We are doing the 'time out' technique but obviously this is quite hard in certain places to do properly,especially when he lashes out in temper and has a big paddy.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips, it seems to have got worse in the last couple of months-I am wondering if this could be something to do with me being pregnant as we haven't done much recently during the weekdays as I haven't the energy and have been feeling quite unwell. Of course his friends have similar incidents but Alex's just seem much more angry and severe, and more frequent.

I am dreading him going to per school in September as it's the first time he will have been in someone else's care that isn't family and I think I am expecting a few moments with the care workers after the sessions about his behaviour. I would really like to tackle this problem as soon as possible so would be very grateful for any tips and advice. Have you had similar situations? If so what helped you?

He can be such a lovely boy most of the time, but people only seem to see the bad side of him at the moment, and I know what Mum's can say behind people's back, we've all done it, and I'd hate to think what they are saying about Alex and me at the moment.

Painting with a 2 year old...

Need I say more

I needed the patience of a saint. 

I don't have the patience of a saint. 

Took me ages to set up, he took 5 minutes to get bored!

We weren't even doing hand prints...

Thank God I decided to do it outside!

Finding a preschool or nursery-where's the manual for that?

I have been thinking about getting Alex on waiting lists for local preschools or nurseries- it's something I have thought about on and off but not ever really done anything about it apart from the odd bit browsing. But now I know why I always seem to hit a brick wall when getting his name down on a list...

I thought it would be nice and simple to do, I assumed there would be a generic website which explained it all clearly, I thought our local council website would have a list of the childcare options and providers in the area, I thought that the providers' websites would have clear information on how to enrol, when to enrol, easily found contact details etc. However I have found this is not the case.

1. One website doesn't seem to be very well updated apart from one page on there, but I have had good recommendations from a good few people about the preschool. They charge £5 just for the administration form to be handed in which to be honest I thought was a off putting as I'm not sure if this is the 'right' place, it's a 20/25 minute walk and the outdoor area isn't very big and quite frankly I don't have £5 to throw away if he doesn't get a place or we decide not to enrol him there after all.

2. The nearest school that has a nursery website is literally crammed with info, but not the info you need (mainly useful if you are already at the school) there are about 30 single tabs to click on down the side, and the website is just too busy all over the page you can't focus or read the information clearly anyway. But I walk past this nursery on the way to netball practise and their outdoor area is fantastic-I wouldn't mind a play in there myself! It's a new school and only a 10 minute (max) walk there. Downside- it's on the same campus as the secondary school as well as the normal primary school, and it's in close proximity to the secondary school students which puts me off a bit. They also don't have an online form, and no direct contact to the nursery just the general school email.

3. Another local primary school about a 20 minute walk away has a nursery attached, their website is great and clear, they have an online from to register, however I read at the bottom of the form that they don't take the child until the September after their 3rd birthday-that means Alex would be nearly 4 when he'd start.

4. The closest school and the one Alex is likely to go to doesn't have a nursery/preschool so where ever he goes he won't go with people he knows when he gets to school age (not a massive problem, just wish they had thought about making the school large enough to accommodate one seeing as it's a new build area full of young families)!

So help me because I am seriously struggling...

I can't afford Alex to go until he gets the free sessions, which if I am right is the term after he is 3. So do kids have a year at preschool and then a year at nursery? Can they have 2 years at nursery just not at one of my options?

Alex is 3 in November and after looking at how few preschools/nurseries there are in our area compared to the number of children I am getting quite apprehensive as to what to do for the best, or at all. I don't want to make the wrong decision or move Alex about too much because I want him to have the best, but don't know what that is.

I just don't get how you are supposed to know what to do, when to apply, how to apply when actually no one gives you any information on deadlines on it-they don't teach you this in the NCT classes do they?!

P.S any help gratefully received! My partner had a go at me because I hadn't done anything about it- I sort of think it's a joint decision though!

On the edge...

This week has been tough, I am really trying to get into the Christmas spirit but everything is taking it's toll. It's been a pretty crap year to be honest, with having our mortgage payments going up but work hours/pay being cut, the car we owned for 10 days and was our family car that we thought we shouldn't have to change for years (only 3 years old and very little mileage and bought for a bargain) was written off by a 75 year old women in a micra who was only worried about her handbag, loosing out on money on the car so struggling without one for 3 months and various other things involving family businesses etc. At least we have our health *touch wood*.

But this week my two year old who I love dearly has just been a nightmare and I really haven't been enjoying him which sounds so horrible for me to say. For some reason he has decided this week that he doesn't need his afternoon sleep at all, completely out of the blue. He would usually have about 1 1/2-2/3 hours and I used that time just to chill and do crafty bit etc, I should be saying that I use that time to blitz all the housework but if I'm being honest I do anything to get our of doing housework if I can help it!!

It has been battle after battle and tantrum after tantrum, he even said he wanted to go to bed, but as soon as I put him in he was saying down and was hysterical. He has been lashing out at me hitting and kicking, I feel I have tried everything to make him see that this is wrong but nothing seems to work! Each day that has gone by I have found my patience to wear thinner and thinner.

It doesn't help that my partner is working two jobs at the moment, so we haven't seen much of him and when he is around he is quite deservedly knackered. Some days he has been leaving at 6.30am getting in for 10mins for a shower and going straight out to help my dad behind the bar at his restaurant until midnight. I have no idea how he does it. He just wants the money and has always been driven by it, and my god we need the money right now.

Christmas shopping this week hasn't been much fun, hard enough to buy for some people anyway, but when you can only afford crappy token gifts preferably under £5 it's hard to get into any Christmas spirit what so ever. I can't even buy the food ingredients I need for my edible gifts until next week (when I am hopefully going to be paid early) as I only have £10 to my name at the moment.

I am really hoping things start to take a turn for the better in the new year, because I can just feel myself getting very down at the moment, we just don't see each other my partner is shattered and run down and we have no quality family life any more. Anyone got a winning lottery ticket lying about?? They say money doesn't buy happiness, but by god I bet it helps!!

Anyway no matter how bad things are, my son will still do something to make me smile and wonder why I am worrying so much and getting down about it all. Like dancing along to strictly, playing toy guitars and dancing around the room head banging, and giving me a huge kiss and cuddle :)