Saturday, 17 December 2011

On the edge...

This week has been tough, I am really trying to get into the Christmas spirit but everything is taking it's toll. It's been a pretty crap year to be honest, with having our mortgage payments going up but work hours/pay being cut, the car we owned for 10 days and was our family car that we thought we shouldn't have to change for years (only 3 years old and very little mileage and bought for a bargain) was written off by a 75 year old women in a micra who was only worried about her handbag, loosing out on money on the car so struggling without one for 3 months and various other things involving family businesses etc. At least we have our health *touch wood*.

But this week my two year old who I love dearly has just been a nightmare and I really haven't been enjoying him which sounds so horrible for me to say. For some reason he has decided this week that he doesn't need his afternoon sleep at all, completely out of the blue. He would usually have about 1 1/2-2/3 hours and I used that time just to chill and do crafty bit etc, I should be saying that I use that time to blitz all the housework but if I'm being honest I do anything to get our of doing housework if I can help it!!

It has been battle after battle and tantrum after tantrum, he even said he wanted to go to bed, but as soon as I put him in he was saying down and was hysterical. He has been lashing out at me hitting and kicking, I feel I have tried everything to make him see that this is wrong but nothing seems to work! Each day that has gone by I have found my patience to wear thinner and thinner.

It doesn't help that my partner is working two jobs at the moment, so we haven't seen much of him and when he is around he is quite deservedly knackered. Some days he has been leaving at 6.30am getting in for 10mins for a shower and going straight out to help my dad behind the bar at his restaurant until midnight. I have no idea how he does it. He just wants the money and has always been driven by it, and my god we need the money right now.

Christmas shopping this week hasn't been much fun, hard enough to buy for some people anyway, but when you can only afford crappy token gifts preferably under £5 it's hard to get into any Christmas spirit what so ever. I can't even buy the food ingredients I need for my edible gifts until next week (when I am hopefully going to be paid early) as I only have £10 to my name at the moment.

I am really hoping things start to take a turn for the better in the new year, because I can just feel myself getting very down at the moment, we just don't see each other my partner is shattered and run down and we have no quality family life any more. Anyone got a winning lottery ticket lying about?? They say money doesn't buy happiness, but by god I bet it helps!!

Anyway no matter how bad things are, my son will still do something to make me smile and wonder why I am worrying so much and getting down about it all. Like dancing along to strictly, playing toy guitars and dancing around the room head banging, and giving me a huge kiss and cuddle :)

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