Saturday, 23 June 2012

Do I have a toddler bully?

Alex seems to be going through a bit of a behavioural problem at the moment. One minute he can be lovely and the next he switches in an instant and really lashes out with anger and frustration. I know that all toddlers have their days/weeks/phases but it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.

The last few meet ups with his NCT  friends or at playgroup he has left kids in tears from being a right brute, and it's getting really embarrassing as I always feel it reflects on our parenting. It quite often revolves around toys, if he has played with something once he feels it is his, whether it's our our house, friends houses, or playgroups- if someone then starts playing with this toy he charges over and tries to get it back either by forcefully snatching, pushing or hitting. He is so strong for a 2 1/2 old and is quite big for his age, so when he does get into this state he is really hard to control, I am finding it especially hard to lift him when he is like this since being pregnant too.

Obviously being big and strong he always has the advantage in these 'fights' so he never really gets a taste of his own medicine so to speak-not that this makes much difference either.

We are doing the 'time out' technique but obviously this is quite hard in certain places to do properly,especially when he lashes out in temper and has a big paddy.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips, it seems to have got worse in the last couple of months-I am wondering if this could be something to do with me being pregnant as we haven't done much recently during the weekdays as I haven't the energy and have been feeling quite unwell. Of course his friends have similar incidents but Alex's just seem much more angry and severe, and more frequent.

I am dreading him going to per school in September as it's the first time he will have been in someone else's care that isn't family and I think I am expecting a few moments with the care workers after the sessions about his behaviour. I would really like to tackle this problem as soon as possible so would be very grateful for any tips and advice. Have you had similar situations? If so what helped you?

He can be such a lovely boy most of the time, but people only seem to see the bad side of him at the moment, and I know what Mum's can say behind people's back, we've all done it, and I'd hate to think what they are saying about Alex and me at the moment.


  1. This sounds tough :(
    Especially if he is bigger so the other children don't retaliate.. often thats something that makes a child realise the way they are behaving actually hurts other people.
    I feel badly for you as you really are not a bad mother and it makes me sad when you worry what other people think.
    Maybe just try being completely honest with the other mothers, like say to them this behaviour is really worrying me, have you had to deal with something similar? and showing that you dont want him hurting their kids...
    Best of luck with all this! :(

    1. Yeah might have a chat with some mums at playgroup tomorrow, there are a couple of childminders there too with may have some more help. Thanks hun, I am hoping it is just a stage, he is being very off with me especially at the moment! xxx

  2. I've no advice on how to stop it, but as my daughter seemed to be a "bully magnet" and was always the one getting pushed or toys taken from, from a parent's point of view as long as you are seen to be disciplining him correctly then you have no need to feel embarrassed. Every parent knows that kids go through these phases and as long as people see you dealing with it they won't mind. My daughter was pushed down a slide by a much bigger kid once and when I turned to the mother to see if she would deal with it she looked at me and said "Oh yeah, you want to watch her, she does that" I can't believe she would 1) say that about her own daughter and 2) rely on me watching her child for her. If she had told her child off (or at the very least taken her away from the slide) then I wouldn't have minded in the slightest

    1. Oh no, that's not good-the child hasn't got much luck if that's the parents' attitude on it! At least I am trying something to stop him!


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