Monday, 4 August 2014

More than just wedding jitters

This past week or so I have been an emotional wreck. Well more of one than I usually am anyway!

I've tried to keep myself busy with lots of makes, I still have a fair bit to do but I feel I have flat lined.

My nerves are taking control of me taking a hold of everything I do.

I wake in the mornings with that twisted stomach feeling, a mix of butterflies, I can't eat.

Thanks to the advice of others I went to by some rescue remedy from Boots the day of my hen do.

I'd been anxious of it from the day before, I sprayed the remedy onto my tongue and for that afternoon up until half an hour before the party I was fine, hurrah it worked!

But then the party got closer, my nerves cranked up, I paced the floors, numerous trips to the bathroom, I regretted eating dinner as I could feel it in my stomach. Deep breathes.

The party wasn't even anything too elaborate, it was a party with a group of friends at my parent's house, so why was I so nervous?!

Once the guests arrived I was fine, but I made sure not to eat much or drink much, I even managed to keep ok when all eyes were on me in a slightly embarrassing Mr and Mrs quiz my mum had done!!



I was ok. it was fun, everyone was having a laugh, particularly making wedding dresses out of toilet roll! I was so thankful to mum for all the effort she had put in.

I never drink alcohol when out, it always makes me feel a bit ill, but I thought I would be fine with a weak wine and lemonade combo, half an hour later when everyone was starting to leave I just had this wave of nerves come over me.

I just wanted to get home, I was pacing Mum's house, I tried to help tidy but the smell of any food made my stomach curl.

Then when my brother finally came back from our house to take me home, within minutes I was ok again, as soon as I was home I back to being me and feeling normal.

So I slightly absolutely petrified about how I will be come wedding day.

I hate going in other people's cars, so getting to the church is going to be my worst nightmare, especially with my Dad who doesn't get that my nerves are more anxiety. (in fairness no one really knows but James).

Mum and Dad just tell me to get on with it, stop being so silly, but they just don't get it...

I think I will spend the 15 minute journey trying to gag or physically be sick, and I am not joking, the amount of nerves for the day + being in someone else's car is going to be a bad combination!

Waiting behind those church doors, waiting to go in and see all eyes on me, on me in a nervous state, on me trying to be ill in panic, fills me with dread.

I am hoping I will be ok once being my James' side, he truly is the only person who has a calming affect on me in these situations.

I am also not looking forward to the speeches, I don't do well with eating when out, so doubt I will eat much at all knowing the speeches are on their way. And the speeches themselves, I hope I don't get that overwhelming sensation of just getting out of there.

If it all gets too much, perhaps I can hide in our hotel room which is a 5 minute walk away...

Any tips of how I can overcome any of these thoughts and feelings over the next 5 days?? I have rescue remedy but to be honest I don't think it did a great deal the other day, so doubting it will come Saturday.

2 comments:

  1. I'm going to put this out there whether it's right or wrong that's more your decision but I really really think you need to seek some proper help with your anxiety. You need some help with training your mind because at the moment you're in a real struggle psychologically you really remind me of me in my worst situations just reading your words puts me there so I honestly promise I know how you feel. Getting anxiety is totally over most peoples heads, you really have to experience it to understand my parents are the same.
    All I can say is you have to really contradict those thoughts. Write down your fears and then think hang in so what if that happens? Try to eat light esp nearer the wedding just for stomach and see your GP asap to see what they suggest to help calm you rescue remedy can only do so much (I add a load to water and totally disregard the intructions that works better but Shh!) xx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for this, rescue remedy and no food all day did the trick, I was nervous as anything but got there and enjoyed myself! xx

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