Friday, 1 November 2013

The end of a parenting era

So the time has come, the time that I knew we be upon us soon. Our NCT meet ups are no more...

I was sort of hoping that it might last until the 6 big ones (who are all almost 4) went to school next year but sadly our Friday meet ups at our houses have become ditched rather abruptly today.

The last 3 weeks have been especially mad, with six 4 year olds, and five under 2's it is utter chaos, long gone are the days when us 6 Mum's could enjoy a natter over a cuppa and some cake, in it's place we are left with toys strewn all over the house, children jumping in and out of beds and emptying the bedroom's contents, cake crumbs trodden into carpet and battle upon battle over toys, and child related disagreements. The aftermath of recent meet ups is a house full of mess and in my case an afternoon being knackered on the sofa wondering why I bothered to clean my house so well the day before!

It really is such a shame, we have met every Friday for the last 4 years, these 5 other ladies have been with me from the start of my parenting journey, a journey where at first I felt scared and lonely having no friends in the same position as me. I can honestly say I think without them I may have fallen down the road of depression, I would have become a recluse, I wouldn't have gone to any of the baby groups I went to, I certainly wouldn't have eased the severe anxiety I hid after having Alex.

Obviously we will still meet up, we are still planning to catch up every few weeks but at soft play and a local park, the only problem being for me is that I don't drive and have no easy way of getting to any of these places due to the buses going no where near to them! So I know that I will be unable to go and catch up many weeks. And yes we are planning to go out for girls nights like the Dad's try to every month, but that is one side of my anxiety I have sadly not been able to ease, when I am out without my partner or children as my crutches my anxiety really comes out to play. Since we booked a night out last week in our diaries it has played on the back of my mind, I am instantly thinking of what excuse I could use that I haven't before, even though it isn't until the 23rd-how wrong is that? I'd love to be able to look forward to a night out with the girls rather than dread it.

I guess tonight I am just feeling a little bit glum, these are the only people I see on a regular basis, I no longer feel I can go to the children's group I went to as Alex is just too big, I can't afford to book into term bookings of any other groups, so I am just feeling a little lost. They all have other close friends that they see regularly, me and James don't really, we don't have a group of friends we meet with from school or college. We each have a couple of friends we see once every few months, that's it.

That's it.
The end of a parenting era




9 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're feeling glum, it is so hard. I had children before my friends, and that made having a baby rather lonely. Could you invite one or two of the group over still? So less mess but still the company? x

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    1. Possibly but want to single people out either! It's hard having children before any of your friends! x

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  2. Oh no. I can see how that would feel very hard. Our NCT group has met for the past 5 years every week and we have recently stopped meeting too, as the older one's have gone to school.
    In a way I was getting quite glad as we had 11 children too and it was a manic afternoon - especially if I was the one hosting! I have found that sending out a text for the odd impromptu gathering on the day ' is anyone around this afternoon' is a good thing to do as a) some people will be busy and others won't - so you get to invite all without singling people out but don't usually get them all coming!

    With regard to the anxiety - have you discussed this with your GP? Maybe they could help. Alternatively maybe you could confide in one of the girls in your group and they could pick you up/ arrive with you on the evening? Just a thought.

    Hugs x

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    1. Sorry - just read this and it seems very disjointed comment. The baby was crawling all over me but I just wanted to reach out and reply x

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    2. Thanks for your lovely comment. Good idea about the general text, they all have much better social diaries than mine so know they wouldn't all make it. I've haven't plucked up the courage for going to the docs about the anxiety yet, I always put it off as it's not an illness as such if that makes sense. xx

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  3. My NCT group were a huge support to me when my first was little. We stopped meeting regularly when some of the mums went back to work and we were all spread out a little bit, although I still see one of the mums very regularly as our boys have ended up in the same class at school! Like you say though it had become too difficult to meet up at each other's houses, I hosted a Christmas gathering when they were nearly 2 and it took me three hours to clean up afterwards, and that was before any new babies had appeared. With hindsight, the activity table filled with rice wasn't the best idea.

    The last minute invitation is a really good idea. Are there perhaps one or two that live a bit closer/easier to reach on public transport that you could make an arrangement with?

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    1. Hah that rice comment did make me laugh-I bet you were finding odd pieces for weeks!

      There are a few that live really close, in fact one is less the 5 mins away but she is only about 1 day a week, it is easier in the summer as there is a small park in-between our houses. I'm feeling better about it now on reflection!

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  4. Sorry you are feeling down! Hope you manage to sort something. You are welcome at my house anytime! :) x

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    1. Feeling better now, just had a glum few days I'm sure we will figure soemthing out. Ha think that might take me while :) x

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Thanks for taking the time to comment :)

Gadget

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