Birthday (party) pooper. Is it selfish to want to feel special for a day?

So yesterday I turned 25. Yep quarter of a century, half way to 50, I know, I know.

Now if I am being honest I wasn't expecting a great deal, I know I wasn't going to get many surprises as knew a few items I was getting from mum and one from James. Due to moving this year we also aren't buying each other much too. That didn't really bother me though.

The morning itself started with Sam coming into our bed at 3am, kicked about for a bit before deciding he'd actually go back to his room. After tossing and turning for a while I went back to sleep for about an hour for him to come back in- I just started drifting back to sleep again before james' numerous alarms rang to wake him (and me!!) for work around 5am. I just got back to sleep 10 minutes before my alarms went off, cue tired mummy-great start to the day!

It got much better from then on though, Alex came in giving me one of his big squeezes before remembering it was my birthday and shouting it out, for Sam to follow suit and to do the same.
they had breakfast whilst I enjoyed opening the pile of cards whilst they sang happy birthday and told me they loved me-very cute. Especially upon opening their card in which Alex had drawn this for me...

It's us 4 in a double decker bus apparently :)

We did the normal school run whilst my phone happily beeped away in my pocket with birthday messages. Then it was a normal morning, I ate breakfast and enjoyed Sam, I even caught a cute video of him talking and singing happy birthday to me! (I'd love to share it but not 100% sure how to off my phone onto here!)

My youngest brother had a day off due to an exam so met him after lunch in the new Costa for a drink which was nice to break the day up. Then headed off to collect Alex & my brother kindly dropped us back too so no afternoon walk back int he cold-woo hoo!

Then the day just got boring, the kids squabbled, moaned for food, I was tired from lack of sleep and after changing the 3rd dirty, smelly nappy of the day from Sam I felt a bit flat. I was glad when mum popped over, as she was the only one who did all day.

I already knew I had no birthday cake, James said he was going to make one the night before but understandably was too tired and Sam refused bed until late that night when I was at netball. I can't remember the last time someone made me a birthday cake, or even 1 single cupcake which I would have been happy with. I try and make birthday cake for so many members of our family on their birthdays...

I was adamant I didn't want to cook so gave the boys leftover pasta bake from the night before and hoped something would be made or bought for me later....but that didn't happen and I ended up with McDonalds as my birthday dinner (after a bit of arguing as I wasn't being helpful in saying what I wanted, when really I didn't want to choose I just wanted something done for me as a treat)!! At least I had my favourite dessert I made the day before to enjoy afterwards. We did nothing special that evening just sat in front of the box, just like any other day...

I was down and moody, James tired from work and well I felt it was another birthday that I missed that special feeling, I don't mind not being showered in expensive gifts that doesn't bother me. I much prefer the effort someone has put in-not that I would say no to a lovely gift or course ;)

I just feel that I put so much effort into everyone else birthdays, just wish I had the same back, just once. I know I don't like eating out so that ruins the easiest thing to do on a birthday evening but just a nice home made meal would have done for me.

Apart from our wedding day I can't remember the last time I felt special, really special. I just hope that next year will be better, or am I just being selfish and asking too much? Is it too much to want one day of nice surprises/treats a year when you are a stay at home Mum with a husband who works silly hours?

Is my birthday doomed for the foreseeable future, it comes at the end of the month, before pay day at the most expensive time of the year-another problem we had this year is James had no money to even buy me a cake, and had to use my credit card to buy my birthday card and small gift from the boys (in a last minute dash to the supermarket the night before my birthday-nice last minute planning...)!

When I've been asked whether I had a nice day I haven't filled with excitement and smiled, I've just gone "it was ok, didn't really do much", maybe I am just feeling silly and selfish, but is it really so wrong to just have a day to feel great?