You may have seen my very honest post on how I have been feeling the last few months the other week, well since that post I have been feeling slightly better, like I have got it off my chest a bit. Because of that I admit I haven't made a GP appointment like I told myself I would (I know...)
Today I wanted to say how planning a wedding has brought up my anxiety a lot more
It's no lie, wedding planning is hard! Trying to keep the peace between the 2 sets of parents in terms of their ideas and yours (you just can't please everyone), the all consuming wedding thinking (it's impossible to switch off), sleepless nights over bridesmaid or wedding dress (I'll be honest I have many of these the past few months)!
Wedding dress shopping:
Instead of the bubble of excitement most women get, I was filled with dread stepping over the threshold of bridal shops not eating beforehand because I was too nervous. Getting near enough naked in front of a women you met 2 minutes ago. The awkward moment you know you can't afford anything but are trying dresses on anyway, the sales pressure, the awkward goodbye.
Meeting new people:
I hate meeting new people, especially if I have to do the talking. I spent one meeting at our venue just trying to focus on not throwing up due to nerves, talking was a bit of a struggle! After going to the wedding fayre there the other day it made the meeting we had with our marquee man a lot easier for me, for once I had no nerves, maybe because I didn't have any for the day of the wedding fayre? I don't know.
The hen do:
I still have no hen do planned, despite it only being 2 months to the wedding. I can't think of anything than going out for a meal or drinking with friends and family. I just don't think my nerves could cope with it, I don't want to miss out on not doing anything though...
Worrying about would could happen:
The thing I worry about most is walking down that isle with all eyes on me, I am dreading it. I am worried the nerves will make me ill or faint (due to being too nervous to drink and eat much). I just hope I manage to get my vows out, James seems to have a calming effect on me so fingers crossed. Also worrying about the car ride too, I hate going in other peoples cars in fear of being ill!