Friday, 24 January 2014

Sharing a room is becoming a huge problem-please help!

We live in a small coach house, the second bedroom is a box room and not enough room for two single beds, in fact barely room for one single bed if you wanted other furniture in there too.

So with that in mind we bought a bunk bed off our friends who also lived in a coach house with two kids but were moving house. These were perfect though as the bunks are tot sized beds and the lower bunk is literally a cm or two off the floor, making the higher bunk not as high off the floor as standard bunk beds. 

When Sam was around 10 months (I think-I don't know exactly-oops!) we took the plunge to move him into the bedroom too. Alex had got used to being on the top bunk and Sam had taken a head first dive out of his cot that morning which scared the life out of us!

I'll be honest after that long with Sam in our bedroom I was very apprehensive about it all, I thought we'd have huge battles but in fact in was all working quite well. Obviously there were a few occasions where he ended up with us (often if he woke in the night) but generally it was quite good., and it was great to not have to sneak into our bedroom every night too!

That was until Christmas. Sam had come down with a chest infection and during the festive period we were not home much. He just wanted cuddles all day and night-and that's what worked to get him better. 

So when he was better we had a problem, Sam had forgotten how to get to sleep by himself!

He cried and kept Alex awake-which made Alex cry and paddy. 

We tried moving Alex into our room and moving him across later this partially works but quite often disturbs Sam in the process so he ends up with us anyway!

We've tried staggering bed times but this has much the same problem. Or Alex will purposely panic about Sam being in the room and says things like "Sam will give me a headache, Sam will cry" which in turn wakes Sam who screams as he's been woken suddenly. 

Sam will then not settle for ages despite James and my best efforts, so we really don't get an evening together and Sam doesn't get anywhere near enough sleep. 

We have also tried putting them down at the same time, with the same routine we have always had but this has not worked recently, they will both scream, get out of the bed, bang on the walls, bang on the door and then Alex will open it and come straight into the lounge (which is next to their bedroom) with Sam following behind. 

Me and James have had no quality time together recently as once the children are finally asleep we just shut down and sit in front our laptops on the sofa, I'm too exhausted to finish off the housework in the evening so wake to a messy house, we are too out of it to even sit down together to watch a programme on tv because we just can't relax or concentrate on it properly. 

I am fed up of having a disturbed nights sleep due to Sam being in the middle of our bed. 

I am fed up of feeling resentment in the morning towards the boys (I know how awful that sounds), I am not being a very happy Mum at the moment-I just can't function with no me time/rubbish nights sleep.

I am fed up of not having any quality time with James, we have so much to talk about with wedding planning but we just don't get the child free opportunity.  

So please if you have any tips I would be eternally grateful! 

From a very fed up Mummy who's turning into a bit of an ogre! x



8 comments:

  1. I wish I could offer you some help or advice I would've hoped staggered bed time would've helped the situation, they're both quite close in she aren't they? My girl sleeps through most things I'm lucky also lucky to have a bigger house now though.
    I think you should tweet @childcareisfun (Fiona) she's lovely and may have some ideas? If it carries on.
    Don't feel bad about feeling tired and resentful we all get that way me more than most trust me! Xxx

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    1. There's 3 years between them and Alex has turned into a really light sleeper recently! Ok thanks I will try her if I need to. I am glad it's not just me that feels like that sometimes-I always feel really bad on reflection! xx

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  2. Poor you. What a nightmare. Sam is too little to understand or reason with so I think you are going to have to try and appeal to Alex and work with him to reach a resolution.

    I think you need to stagger the bedtimes - getting Sam off first. Make Alex feel special by staying up - are both you and James around or is it just you? If just you, put one of his TV programmes (something that is short 10 or 15 min)on so you're not distracted by him whilst settling Sam. Then, once Sam is in bed and read with Alex (Iet him choose a couple of books) and read in the lounge on the sofa. If Sam isn't asleep it's important to give him some time to settle himself to sleep without distractions too. I am sure Alex will enjoy the quiet time reading and explain to him that when the clock says X, he needs to creep up to bed like a big boy. Give him a five minute warning so he knows that his special time is coming to an end and he is going to bed soon. What about an incentive or star chart for getting into bed quietly each night? Would that work?

    Anyway, this is just what I think I'd do. I'm no expert! It's never easy when they don't go to bed well - especially if you've had them all day long. It's tough but the only way it will get better is to make a plan and stick with it. If it's any consolation we're trying to course correct with EB at the moment too - he's suddenly decided he wants to sleep on us and not in his cot!

    Good luck and tweet me if you need support ( or a moan :0)

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    1. James is about probably half the week for bed times, it depends where his work is and the traffic on the M4! Thank you for the tips, think that is the way I need to try for the time being. We had started up a behaviour chart after a spur of bad behaviour after Christmas and added bed time on to it-it's made a good improvement to behaviour but not a massive impact on the bedtime routine!

      Sam keeps wanting to go into our bed at the moment too and if I try to sneak him back into his bed he wakes instantly (maybe it's a age thing if they are both doing it-testing the boundaries?) Thank you and vice versa if you are ever in need too! x

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  3. So feel for you - we had the same; an infection ruined our bedtime routine peace. In the end, because of the resentment you describe spoiling our family life we decided to get a bit tough and stick to what we needed to happen, plough through the tears and protestations, but keep at it. In the end I thought the kids would hate us - they loved us just the same and peace was restored (btw we lived in a tiny cottage with one bedroom too)! Be brave to be tough if you need to as love is sometimes tough, and be reassured that this phase will pass. Mine are over twenty now and I have time to write about it all, (see my blog!) they present different challenges but we are as loving as ever and they weren't scarred by my parenting either!!! :)

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    1. Thank you, I know I need to be tougher but hard when we all want sleep too! Thanks for your helpful comment! x

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    2. Sleep is the one thing I cannot do without. In years gone by when I have had kids sharing rooms I found that moving the littlests bed into our bedroom ended up being the best short term measure. Yes sharing with kiddies isnt very romantic but it was better than no kip! Good luck and I yhings improve soon xxx

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    3. Yes I must admit seeing as he is ending up in our bed most nights at some point anyway I am very tempted in taking his mattress and popping it next to my side of the bed-at least then I am more comfortable! Thanks xx

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